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The Untold Dream

I had a dream about you. It’s been a while since i had any dreams and more so any that i could remember. But this one in particular gave me an impression that it must have been worthwhile!. I visualized you and i from the day we met, the day we first went out, to the days we made merry and intimate encounters and to the very day you popped the question. But Alas! all these seem pretty much rushed, yeah? But, hey, it is a life most desired and thought of, since the word “love” ever had meaning to me.

Every moment i spend with you and i look into your eyes, all i see is flashes of light. May be love light, if we can call it that for now.
I get anxious when around you and still bubbly and full of spasms of excitement. The adrenaline rush in me is always high that it has got no limits and to some point it feels like its going to crush my little cupid heart. In this dream i finally get to tell you how much i have been head over heels in love with you. How that happens, is still a surprise to me.

It may come as a surprise to you that all this is being revealed in a dream rather than verbally, heart to heart but truth be told, there’s so much that’s been unspoken by me. I keep hoping for the day when i will fully let it out into reality and not in dreaming scenario.

I have expressed my feelings for you for some time but you know what, most of it has been hidden and more so why i feel the way i feel. Dressed up well for you, prepared the best of meals, been around you as a support system as much as i could but still all these still hope to be noticed because it’s all unspoken.

“Somewhere; somebody, 
Feels you; realizes you
And loves you,
With its utter adoration, 
Devotion, affection
And recites your name
In each heartbeat
As Force of its Breath
It is its life
Whereas,
You are unaware of it.” 
― Ehsan Sehgal

This is me!

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Alex’s Funeral Program.

What other way to look at life than from this perspective? I totally identity with Alex.

Dr Ras Kenya

He who is not busy being born is busy dying.

Bob Dylan

It’s funny how Alex died. Don’t get me wrong he did not lose his life, he simply died a monotonous, cliche and stale death just like the zombie sitting next to you.

The somber hymns ” Wamlambez” and “Pekejeng” Sailed through the air as the woman next to his body cried. Her tears came through her mouth in a mixture of something that contains 40% alcohol with food platelets. She was in the process of dying too.

Alex’s death was gradual and highly unnoticeable to the naked eye. He wore his face like make up: his charm was his foundation and sarcasm his concealer while using stories of fictional characters as ponds.

His bottled up emotions and feelings started to ferment in his chest sending toxins through out his body eating him up like a cancer on gear…

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The Fear of the Unknown

There is just this extreme form of fear of the unknown. For a while now I have been experiencing this particular kind of fear. And it is a scary one. So I happened to read an article by Kathryn Sandford who is a life coach passionate about supporting others to grow and thrive in this complex world, and I found the read quite interesting since it was all about what I have been going through myself; Fear of The Unknown. I learned a few hacks from her article and thought it best to share them out on this post. I believe there’s more people like me out there who are/have been fearful and I really do hope that you can grasp a thing or two from this post.

The fear of the unknown can be hard to describe because all the thoughts around this fear are in your head. And it is definitely based on negative feelings. Otherwise there wouldn’t be any fear to begin with if one had positive feelings. The negative feelings create mental blocks and have a detrimental impact on one’s life. Be that as it may, it varies from person to person on how bad the impact could be.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not the one who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”

Nelson Mandela

This is definitely something that has been eating me up and trying to live life to my fullest potential and facing my unknown fear head-on. Someone once told me that to overcome and conquer my fear of the unknown, I have to be committed to making changes within myself. Not easy, but definitely not impossible! There are a few ways I came across Kathryn’s article to overcome fear of the unknown:

  • Understand your fear- Accept that you have fearful thoughts but do not let them paralyze your life.
  • Find the cause of your fear- The fear of the unknown is made up of thoughts and beliefs that result from negative experiences. I personally discovered, just recently, that I don’t take failure very well and from the common cliché “Human is to error”, I got hurt deeply that making right the wrong I did scared me because of the very fear of having to fail again. So once you identify the cause of your fear, brainstorm on ways to minimize risk and ways to cope with hurdles you may face.
  • Accept failure as an option- If you can’t accept that fear is an option then you will be convinced to stay in your comfort zone. This is so true you know! One has to be willing to step out of the comfort zone. Take away the idea of failure and use the set-backs as experience to draw lessons from. There will definitely be a positive outcome at the end of the journey. Trust the process.

“The guy who takes a chance, who walks the line between the known and unknown, who is unafraid of failure, will succeed.”

Gordon Parks
  • Embrace change- Change is the one thing that is constant in our lives. The more we resist change the more it becomes persistent. Open up to change and you will be resilient and courageous.

Fear of the unknown is created by our minds and self-limiting beliefs that are held in our minds. For some of us, these thoughts have been existing since time immemorial and have had a huge influence on how we live our lives. These thoughts won’t go away overnight and it takes commitment and hard work to retain your mind so that you can have peace and manage the noise of thoughts in your mind. Mindfulness is one of the best strategies to manage an overworked and busy mind.

“To make the right decisions and choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do so, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.”

Deepak Chopra

Bottom Line: To live your dreams and embrace life, you have to be fearless and willing to step in to the unknown. There is no other way of living your life to your fullest potential.

Smitten

His friendly demeanor got me thinking otherwise of him. I told myself that I was not going to put the cart before the horse and in so doing, I decided to let nature take its course. Before then, he approached me differently and the few minutes I was in his presence, I had made a conclusion about him. He must have been quite a puzzle to solve! As the adage goes, “never judge a book by it’s cover,” started to make a whole lot of sense just after my interaction with the lad. This is so, because it is not often that what you see is what you get, Ah-ah! The opposite applies as well and shock on you, it does reveal a lot and one will probably stand corrected.

I then developed this sudden interest to get to know more of him. What he’s like, what he does for a living and his life in general. What struck me most was how he talked, the look in his eyes was mesmerizing; they had some sparkle that just lit up the area around. I watched his every move and boom! I just realized I had been checking him out all this while he was within five hundred meters radius from me.

This was the day it all began. Our mysterious liking for each other. It’s funny how feelings can escalate really fast that you hardly realize it yourself, and it only takes time before it actually dawns on you that there’s more than just mere liking for one another. It was all compliment after compliment, as we made very interesting discoveries about each other. We happened to share quite a lot of similarities and the feeling was way beyond awesome.

Our friendship then grew and took a different turn and advanced to a level that seemed quite scary then because it didn’t take long before either of us could admit to having being greatly affected by the presence of the other: And either one of our absence made the heart grow fonder of the other. We shared quite a lot and I’d be dumbfounded most times because I was just amazed by this particular creature on God’s green earth. I was smitten.

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The thought of how this guy made me feel was just out of the planet! He made me feel alive, he gave meaning to “LOVE” that never seemed to be true anymore to me and he made me feel like the special being I was born to be. He gave me reason to believe in love again and that it truly exists. My face would light up every moment we shared and spent together and I would glow differently. I was startled by him and there are just times he made me speechless and my whole body felt frail in his presence. I liked him, I loved him. There was surely no doubt about that! And that is how a smitten lass found her way to the heart of a smitten lad and their journey in love was just that which every other being would desire to have; blissful.

Do Simple, Be Simple

The question I have decided to pose to myself (paraphrasing Heather Small’s lyrics) is, “What have you done today to make you feel good, to make you feel proud? ” This is my challenge.

Is there anything better than feeling that you’ve done a good job and recognising that fact yourself? It doesn’t need to be anything grand; simple gestures sometimes have the biggest rewards. Change yourself, and you will see the ripple effect in those around you.

Take each day as it comes, with its joys and stresses moving with the rhythm of life, and embrace each day individually. This is something I too, I’m trying to learn to do. I have been pondering a lot on my life generally and my relationship with people around me.

Let go of Monday blues, swim through Tuesdays and don’t let Wednesday rain into Thursday’s parade. Then take it easy on Friday, unwind on Saturdays and give thanks on Sundays.

Quit blaming your woes on the world and take the control you need in to your hands. After all, life is yours and no one is responsible for it but you. Step out of the ordinary and be the amazing person you were made to be. If you don’t try doing something different, or taking a leap of faith to face the challenges you’ve been avoiding, how will you know where your destiny lies?

What would you do each day that would make you feel more accomplished, and not just in your work, but in your life? Let this time be one of full chances taken, differences made and daily extraordinary things. Be simple, start small, grow big and make a change. Here’s to self challenge and new beginnings!

As always, my mantra, Simplicity!

Who Feels It Knows It

After some period of misunderstandings, with so much thought of what exactly to do and the daunting feeling of what will happen later, her love for him remains and will hopefully conquer all odds. This is what she said to him. “Since we part ways, it’s been forever but it feels like yesterday. Times have passed and things have changed. Nothing is the same anymore. I never had anyone make me feel this way and my heart surely wants to be with you. Without you I’m lost and so confused. Everyday I hope to be a part of your life because you love me and I love you. This is no delusion. We both made our mistakes but we’ll be okay if we just stick together. I’m gonna be the one that has your back and the one that’s gonna last, as well.You always spoke right to my heart because without even saying a word, you lit up the darkness in me. The touch of my hand said I’ll catch you whenever you fall, the smile on my face said I need you and the truth in my eyes always said I’ll never leave you. I’d run away when I felt vulnerable but I took the risk to stay even when it all wasn’t crystal clear and heaven knows I tried, too.Let’s reconcile, put the past behind us, ey? I love the way you make me feel and everything feels so real because you are all I need. My heart is open for you and room made for you. I’m thankful because you are such a blessing. This is probably some cliché but truth is, I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s definitely going to take a lot to drive me away from you; I’d fight for you. I know you feel the same way.We have our flaws and they’re a part of us, let’s be us, no camouflage. If you find someone who means so much to you, you simply fall. And I mean fall in love. In this case you are that “someone” and there’s no safer place than in your embrace. Let’s make merry in our own extravaganza. ”
With Love, More Love and For Love!

The Plight of A Grieving Heart

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There is this thing that comes with loss of life. For a minute you feel so confused, not sure of how to react because the news as you received it or came to learn of it hit you so hard that you hardly felt like you are in existence. That distraught feeling of not knowing how to deal with the demise is just the worst nightmare ever. A pain that not even words alone can explain. It cuts deep. Really deep.

There is not a single day I don’t reminisce the very moments I had with the most important people death stole from me. Mum and Grandma. I tell myself that perhaps life would have been different with you around. The knight in shining armors of my life, but how unfortunate! Death itself is the devil’s incarnate! I miss you my lovelies, and I cry dearly in memory of you. Continue resting with the angels. It is said things happen for a reason but to date I still don’t seem to decipher the essence of your departure from my life so soon. And I will probably live in wonder till my own time comes for us to have a unison in spirit.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to ‘not matter.’ I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.

Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. “When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. ” Somebody once said.

That’s the only option you got to go through to another day, another time!

Take it from me, the waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. Hang in there! It shall be well.

Here’s a few tips I came across to help people or friends in grief:

1. Understand the stages of grief.

2. Know what to say (e.g., I’m sorry for your loss, Do you feel like talking?)

3. Offer them practical help (e.g., run errands, do the cooking, etc.)

4. Provide ongoing support (e.g., don’t just help once; healing takes time and may require more)

5. Be watchful for depression. It easily sets in at this point. Have a friend’s back.


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Attitude

I am probably not alone in dealing with response to life’s situations. But hey, one’s gotta live a healthy and happy life, ey? So how about we start trying to adjust our attitude and how see things pan out. It will probably go a long way, don’t you think?