The Untold Dream

I had a dream about you. It’s been a while since I had any dreams and more so any that I could remember. But this one in particular gave me an impression that it must have been worthwhile! I visualized you and I from the day we met, the day we first went out, to the days we made merry and intimate encounters and to the very day you popped the question. But Alas! all these seem pretty much rushed, yeah? But, hey, it is a life most desired and thought of, since the word “love” ever had meaning to me.

Every moment I spend with you and I look into your eyes, all I see is flashes of light. May be love light, if we can call it that for now.
I get anxious when around you and still bubbly and full of spasms of excitement. The adrenaline rush in me is always high that it has got no limits and to some point it feels like its going to crush my little cupid heart. In this dream I finally get to tell you how much I have been head over heels in love with you. How that happens, is still a surprise to me.

It may come as a surprise to you that all this is being revealed in a dream rather than verbally, heart to heart but truth be told, there’s so much that’s been unspoken by me. I keep hoping for the day when I will fully let it out into reality and not in dreaming scenario.

I have expressed my feelings for you for some time but you know what, most of it has been hidden and more so why I feel the way I feel. Dressed up well for you, prepared the best of meals, been around you as a support system as much as I could but still all these still hope to be noticed because it’s all unspoken.

“Somewhere; somebody, 
Feels you; realizes you
And loves you,
With its utter adoration, 
Devotion, affection
And recites your name
In each heartbeat
As Force of its Breath
It is its life
You are unaware of it.” 
― Ehsan Sehgal

This is me!

Do You Know ?

Do you know what it’s like, To feel a thousand butterflies and lock them up inside? To feel so vulnerable just at your sight and in your presence ? To feel so vibrant because you bring out spasms of joy and excitement in me? When I feel like a mess, you are the only thing that makes sense. If only I could have you the way I want to… It’s amazing that, We’re stuck to each other in a way that’s even beyond our understanding. To have and to hold, to cherish and love, in bad and good times, I will be with you to the very end of time. Because,. I don’t know how to love you less!

Keep Going

Hello Loves, it’s been a minute, ey! 😊 I just dropped by to remind us something. Someone once said,

Keep Going No matter how bad things are right now,. No matter how stuck you feel,. No matter how many days you’ve spent crying,. No matter how many days you’ve spent wishing things were different,. No matter how hopeless and depressed you feel,. I promise you won’t feel this way forever,. So,. Keep Going”

We stumble, we fall, we make bad decisions and choices but these setbacks don’t define us. We pick ourselves up, and find the strength to carry on because at the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got! You have to be there for You.

So keep going and don’t worry about your speed. You are making progress even if it doesn’t seem like it. Forward is forward, no matter how slow. So just keep going! You got this 😘

Disowning the Pain, Owning the Process

Writing up this particular blog has been a challenge. But as the title reads, owning the process it shall be! 😊🥰

I’m gonna share a video here( I don’t own rights to it) but it truly is worth sharing.


Watching the above video has left me crying endlessly. No sleep! In less than 24hours ago, I too have been having suicidal thoughts. Thoughts that have been brought about because of something I did and self forgiveness and acceptance have been a struggle and battle all together.

In the heat of the moment, suicide seems like my last resort and the best thing to do since killing the pain inside or whatever is going on is so hard to live with. Poor sleeping patterns, poor feeding habits, being unsocial, terrible migraines, alienation, blaming myself for being imperfect and guilt eating me up fast like cancer. That’s been the story of my life in roughly two weeks.

Man, it’s been too much to wake and even look myself in the mirror for I only see a worthless piece of shitty human not regarded for any good. My mistake has made me feel the worst as a human and I have lost that which I once treasured. I am not sure I can fix my mess though 💔 but I will definitely make a point to right my wrong.

Suicide is so real and I don’t know how much strength it takes because survival then becomes so hard and being a ‘by-gone’ may then best fit as solution since cessation from existence tends to be a consoling thought at the moment. Interestingly, I haven’t really put in mind how much pain I’ll leave behind and that is some scary thought, to say the least. 🤦

Listening to the lady speak of the loss of her son in that video, I made this realisation where I can choose to be one who breaks the cycle of actions upon suicidal thoughts.

  • If judged, I choose understanding
  • If rejected, I choose acceptance
  • If shamed, I choose compassion

I vow to be better than what broke me and to those I’ve broken as well, vow to be better than my actions that broke you. To heal instead of becoming bitter we can act from our heart and not our pain.

This whole suicidal ideation has brought forth a different kind of sensation and awareness and I hope to get past it and anyone else feeling the same. Disregard the pain, trust the process and own it. We’re a big deal! We’re important, one way or another in our own spheres. ✌️

To all that reached out and talked me out of suicide, I’m grateful. It’s tough but we move regardless of all setbacks. 💓

She is…

She is amazing,

She is beautiful,

She is nurturing,

She is fierce,

She is driven,

She is independent,

She is motivated,

She is crazy at times,

She is a mess sometimes,

She is sexy,

She is smart,

She is strong,

She is soulful,

She is magical,

She is blessed,
She is loved,

She is phenomenal,

She is open minded,

She is complicated,

She is a fighter,

She is a storm,

She is a survivor,

She’s a triple threat

And unapologetically, she’s her.

Even when…

Even when no one celebrates you,

Even when no one compliments you,

Even when no one encourages you,

Find it within you to celebrate yourself,

Find it within you to compliment yourself,

And find it within you to encourage yourself.

But then again, it’s not all that bad to have that special someone who’s got your back, always.

One who’ll make you rest assured, you not alone.

Having drafted so many articles and unable to complete them is whack! So this short video will do the trick. My mood 100% 😉

Love is You

(Lagna Ray’s Poem.. Repost)

“Sometimes you ask
How much I love you

I smile
But don’t reply
For I have no words to convey
How much I do

You live with me
In my thoughts
Even if we aren’t together
I heal with laughter
Thinking about you
In my solitude

I wrap your essence
And feel complete
Inspite of our agonizing distance

How can I express
What you mean to me
I ache for you
Even in my silence

I do not look back
What I missed
I look forward to live with you
Every moment

What is love
Love is you.”


Pointless Over thinking

Over thinking something you cannot change will not change anything except the amount of anxiety you feel, and how much mental energy you use, on something you cannot improve. Pause your mind, to pause the panic.

Over thinking tends to lead to a decline on one’s mental health. When such happens, learn to do small things that bring you peace. For instance, take a shower, text a loved one, listen to music, go for a walk. Do something; anything, to drift your mind from unnecessary woes.

Being an over thinker myself I must say has had huge effects on me. Negative ones for that matter. My brain will be working on overdrive trying to find meaning and reason for every happening thing. An issue may be rendered petty or not really important but my monkey mind will have to make sense of everything and with so much energy I dig deep and end up making a mess of my mental state leaving me all wrecked.

Case in point, everything to me has to always have a basis of happening. And if I can’t quite contemplate whatever is going on, I take it upon myself to scrutinize facts and theories. Something that never leads to good results. Trust me. It’s actually draining.

So I actually came to realize my over thinking and over analyzing and worrying usually originates from fear of something and/or some obscure insecurities. This leaves me mentally drained *af*, (pardon my French) ☺. It robs me of my peace of mind. And peace of mind is priceless if one has got this.

So I have actually been reading up a few articles on how to actually deal with this issue and strategies I can deploy to do away with over thinking and regain my happiness. I happen to have read an article by Peggy Nolan who is a best selling author, podcaster and traveler. Here’s a few tips I got.

  1. Stop! – some things that I see happen make me want to cause drama and one would actually think the drama is worthy of an Oscar but truth is, it’s never worth it. Train your mind to say STOP! and ENOUGH! Switch to something peaceful.
  2. Visualization – Your mind may wander into the past and you happen to almost relive the past in the future. In the event such scenarios happen, replace what your monkey mind wants to watch with something you want to watch. Visualize a happy memory or simply allow your mind sink into its happy place. My happy place I’d say is sitting out especially in the dusk or fall of night, staring into the sky, listening to some soothing music as I hear the sound of the cool breeze greet every other thing in space.
  3. Just Breathe– Breathe in and out. Take deep breathes and just breathe.
  4. Go for A Walk– Have you some music to keep you company as you stroll around. Swing your hands, dance, move with the rhythm. Just get distracted. Enjoy nature.
  5. Engage in your favorite hobby– Over thinking produces no results and offers no solution. So switch gears and do something you enjoy and love. Read,paint,sing,knit,surf,swim,hike etc
  6. Be Present- Peggy mentions over thinking as being all about dredging up the past/or borrowing trouble from the future. I agree.

To sum it all up, the best cure is to simply be present. Be here right now! It’s all that matters. Guard your mental health, live healthy. To happiness, Cheers mates!

Share what works for you, I’d love to hear.

Little Bits of Her

“She loves him, yes,

Anyone and everyone can see that.

Something in the way she loves him,

Openly. Honestly. Deeply. Truely.

Unashamedly. Completely.

Oh yes she does!

But it’s really beyond that.

She learned to love with no absolute expectations

She makes no threats; no demands

A dire need and passion that she wishes she never has control of

Deep satisfaction and a sense of peace

Is all she yearns for.

When bound to him, all she feels is Freedom

And there’s no better feeling than this.”