Dating As A Millennial

We often hear or get told that back in the days, romantic relationships were so much simpler unlike these days. One would like another and all they had to do was tell them-and if they felt the same, you’d get together. Easy! Right? These days though, things are endlessly more complicated and frustrating and dating as a millennial is so screwed up. Andrea Wesley ,tells us why:Dating shouldn’t be taking a toll on us. It should be as easy as it comes. No pressure, no force. Falling in love is an involuntary feeling and staying in love is a choice. ♥ 😘

Start Strong, Stay Strong.

We are just a few days into 2020 and everyone seems to have started it with a bang. Or rather, on a good note. My heartfelt remorse to those who must have gotten into this year with losses and misfortunes. May God give you the strength to carry on through the rest of the year.

We all have expectations and dreams to look forward to. But that’s not just it. Having a clear vision I believe is just the beginning of one nearing their dreams and having them come true. We wake up each day hoping for it to be different. Hoping to have noticeable change. There’s that thirst which the soul needs quenching for. A desire to meet your goals and achieve your targets.

This year I personally want to dedicate it to the Almighty. For so long I have fallen short of His glory and forget that He alone knows what is destined for me. I am no religious maniac but I believe there’s a God above who’s mightier than any being and His promises are Yes and Amen.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11
To vision, resolutions, achievements and success!

We are always told that you only have one time to start. But I have to say, you only have one time to start in one way. But you can start differently more than once.
That is what you need to understand.
You can start stronger.
People go through hell. 2019 has been a bed of thorns and hot Amber’s for so many people.
But 2020 is a new start for you.
You can start a fresh.
You can start stronger
You can start new.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
(Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV)
Never forget you are stronger than you could even think.

May 2020 be of clear visions, new insight and revelation! Focus on your focus.

A Pain A Few Will Understand

This writing has been inspired by an experience of pain that I hope will someday, come to an end.

Ever been in pain when relieving yourself? Ever had your bladder and abdomen in pain? Every visit to the washroom hurts: during and after. Sometimes it hurts to stretch out or even sit down. Sometimes I cry myself while in the washroom. The pain, sometimes so unbearable I almost wanna fall to the ground and lay down.

A Pain So Deep

I don’t deserve this. But I’m an effing strong girl. So I tend to encourage myself. This pain, period pain better known as Menstrual Cramps, is the craziest nightmare I’ve had to deal with every.single.month.

Having this condition, Endometriosis, it has been quite an experience that I wouldn’t wish for anyone. For those suffering from the same, damn woman! I feel you. The pain is real, whether severe or mild. Every month is always a battle on its own but the pain, gosh! It’s sickening.

At this point of the month, I tend to hate doing almost everything. I feel literally sick to the bone. Coughing, having to pee, sneezing, sitting down, lying down, standing up and probably breathing as well. All these just tend to make it worse on the pain and flow. Lucky are they that know no such pain and go for three days. I call you God’s chosen. Woe unto us who roll for five ➕ days. Damn! I am super strong now that I just realized blood lost is enough to save 3 to 4 lives monthly. 😀

Anyhow, being on medication and several check ups, I believe it’s all gonna be good in due time. What scared me though at some point upon my visits to hospital was that, whilst on the stretcher in the gynaecologist’s room, I eavesdropped on a conversation about my condition, then it was not looking so good, from the scan done that is, and so all I could hear being discussed was huge terms like partial hysterectomy and laproscopy. Something to do with surgery and I hardly understood anything else being discussed.

My heart skipped a beat then. The thought of surgery scared the wits out of me. Especially given the fact that it’s my reproductive system being discussed about. The gynaecologist later came in and said to me that they’ll put me on drugs to try and manage the condition while I’m on observation for three months. Since then it’s been visit after visit to hospital. Something that ain’t fun at all because it kind of messes you up.Work, lifestyle and affects my mentality as well, big time.

Long story short, for any ladies experiencing abnormal menstrual cramps, kindly seek medical assistance before it’s too late. Any reproductive health matters are vital, especially if it has to affect your chances of giving birth. This is my story, let it not be yours! Cheers to healthy living and wellness.

Letting Go

“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.” 

Jack Kornfield

Having given so much thought on what exactly I should do with my life, (still in the works), I finally came to this point where it was paramount for a decision to be made. It has not been easy. Beating myself up on the “whys and what-ifs”, that endlessly tormented me every single day to the point of brain saturation. Toxicity, unhappiness, health struggles et al have been the order of my life for a while now and choosing to make a change and difference on that kind of lifestyle, has been and it still is, quite a hustle. But then again, I just got sick and tired of that kind of living and action needed to be taken.

Image result for letting go
Let Go of any bad thing. It’s gonna be worthwhile in the long run I believe.

So I decided to take a step and do that which scared me. Calling it quits in the current working sector and letting go of all that pertained my work. There comes a time where one has to do what they have to do, despite the losses bound to be incurred after. But as it is said, it’s life! I have had to seek counsel from a few people in my circle and having associated with a psychologist for a while, I thought, “Why not go psychological and look up tips and facts to deal with Letting Go of that which has been holding me back?” Learning how to let go of e.g , Bad relationships, the past, grudges, toxic lifestyle, etc. is good because it helps develop a strong sense of self. So here are a few tips I grasped from an article by Ilene S. Cohen, a psychotherapist.

1. Understand that the relationships you thought you’d have are going to be different than the ones you actually have.

We must accept the person we are in this moment and the way other people are, too. As time goes on, we continue to learn that things don’t always go as planned — actually, they pretty much never do. And that’s okay: If you become aware of yourself and your part of your relationships, they will improve; however, you may also have to accept facts about certain people in your life. Practice gratitude, appreciation, and trust in the process.

2. Don’t be invested in the outcome when it comes to dealing with people, because it often leads to disappointment.

Expectations have a way of keeping us stuck because they lead us to fear certain outcomes. There are no guarantees in life, and there’s nothing we can really do to get the outcomes we desire when dealing with others. When our expectations or needs aren’t met, we need to respond rationally and appropriately. Sometimes this means setting respectful boundaries; other times, it means letting go.  

3. Don’t live in chains when you have the key. We live with self-limiting beliefs that we let define who we are.

We think, “I could never do that!” or “I could never make that happen!” If you truly believe that, you’ll never accomplish your goals. Open up your mind, and believe in yourself. There will be many people who tell you that you can’t do it. It’s up to you to prove them wrong.

4. Let go of the idea that you can control others’ actions. We really only have control over ourselves and how we act.

You can’t change another person, so don’t waste your time and energy trying. I think this is the biggest factor that pushes people to hold onto unhelpful behaviors, like the need to please. We think, “If only I do everything for everyone, they’ll never get mad at me.” Wrong!

5. Only worry about what you think of yourself.

Free yourself from being controlled by what other people think. Start to prioritize how you feel about yourself. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” You can’t live by your values if you’re living for the approval of others.

6. Leave room for mistakes.

Did you make a mistake or say something stupid? It’s okay! Use the experience to learn and make a joke. It doesn’t make you stupid to say something wrong or silly: it makes you human, and sometimes even funny.

7. Accept the things you cannot change.

Stop wishing things could be the way they once were. Bring yourself into the present moment. This is where life happens. You can’t change the past; you can only make decisions today to help how your future turns out.

8. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

This will allow you to relax and enjoy life’s journey. I laugh with myself and at myself all the time.

9. Do what scares you.

Fear holds us back from doing a lot of things because it closes our minds to possibilities for our future and locks us into our comfort zone. Most fears fill us with doubt and “what ifs” that imprison us. The more you do to get out of your comfort zone, the more fear will subside. In life, do what scares you, and you’ll grow and succeed!

10. Express what works for you.

Find your voice, and share with others what you’re thinking and feeling in a rational way. If you continue to communicate with others what works for you and doesn’t work for you, you’ll no longer bottle up your emotions. Expressing yourself is an important part of feeling good about yourself and your relationships.

11. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions.

Whether you lost a loved one through death or a break-up, honor your loss. Trying to ignore your negative emotions will extend your suffering. Loss is difficult to experience, and it’s okay to allow yourself to hurt and be sad. Let yourself feel, and go through the grief process so that you can move forward.

12. Learn forgiveness.

Resentment and unwillingness to forgive will keep you locked in the past and prevent you from moving forward with your life. Remember: When you forgive, you aren’t doing it for the other person; you’re doing it for yourself. If for no other reason than that, forgive and let go.

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” There’s a lesson in that for all of us: Try to let go of whatever it is that’s holding you back from experiencing yourself. You’ll probably realize that you are not what other people say you are. You are not your pain, your past, or your emotions. It’s the negative ideas about ourselves and our hurtful self-talk that get in the way of who we really want to be. Being able to let go requires a strong sense of self, which gives you the ability to learn and grow from your experiences.

Carl Jung 

I found the article very helpful and a way to help me steer my life in the right direction. I hope you do too! 🙂 Let Go!

When Pain Becomes Pleasure

A lot is happening or rather has happened. Lots of pain and turmoil. At some point it almost feels like so much to bear but then, troubles don’t last forever and success doesn’t come overnight and it’s not easy to come by.

Feeling weight upon my shoulders, feet feeble and frail like a dry twig on a tree awaiting to drop on the ground. Wishing the world would just open up and swallow me because my life seems to be falling apart and efforts to fix anything already seem to prove futile. So much thoughts that all seem like a mirage: so vague and unclear.

I think to myself that I may probably be on the verge of despair. And how my closest circle of friends tend to think I need some sort of guidance and counseling because I’m actually losing it. “It’s not all that bad”, so I tell myself.

Then a talk with someone actually makes me realize that every bad happening in life can actually bring forth so much good. Being positive about every bad encounter, experience and phase in life helps forge ahead,cliché as it sounds, it works wonders and makes life worth living because at the end of it all, something good ends up unfolding and it’s definitely gonna be a new chapter in life, a new beginning as well.

So then, dear self, learn to live through the pain and for the good that comes after is gonna be worth the endurance, the wait and the pleasure that comes from it is just gonna be a testimony and a tale to tell.

The Cry of My Heart

Sudden race in my heart, fast beats
I can't help but wonder if it is at all normal
The thought of you sends chills down my spine
And I guess I know why; You are mine.
There's been so much tragedy;
But funny thing is, you're the remedy

You said, "Ask and you will receive"
What I ask for is very simple and do-able
The stress reliever that you are and have always been,
That there be no boundaries between our love
Two hearts; One love that we sire together
Let these veins that run through my body like tributaries,
cease to show
Instead, may the beautiful glow of love sparkle and shine,
now and forever.

I wish we could be forever one, making the shattered me whole
And if life was a movie, you'd be my best part.
My solemn cry!

Deliberate Love

It’s taken a while to write and so here goes. Inspiration struck I guess. :-). I am in this phase of life where I have decided to be care-free. A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks and months, to the point of self realization. I have had to take in so much and a time has come where I choose not to rest on my laurels. Instead, focus on that which is my forte and forge ahead in tranquility. A time where I also put into consideration the needs of my loved ones. Sometimes things tend to reveal themselves in crystal clarity when we least expected, and that there could be more than meets the eye. Just as the old adage goes, Time tells it all and heals.

Got to this point where I had to question what love is. What I think most of us perceive love to be is bullshit. We tend to treat love as something “we are in” or something that “happens to us”. But love, a pure, true and mature love, is an act . Love is an act my people. So I think, or is rather the conclusion I have come to.

Two hearts, one love

Love is a decision. It is deliberate. It is an external effort and energy every day. It is an every day act. It is choosing to commit to your significant other. It is doing! And it is based on You, not Them. ( The society).

Your heart chooses who to love. Their character and behaviour determines if they’re meant to stay or not. It is by choice who you decide to love, right? But beware, you should not just love anyone. Make deliberate decisions on what to do based on what you want.

You can’t love everyone. No. You can care for everyone’s well-being in a passive way, but you can’t actively invest in everyone.

Personally, I only want very easy things from my partner:

  1. Emotional health and well-being — emotional security and stability, self-love, self-esteem, integrity and grit.
  2. Their intelligence
  3. Their friendship

“If love is an act, then love is an investment of time and attention (our most valuable things in life.) And if love is an investment, then you love based on return.”


And if you want a healthy relationship, you choose an emotionally-healthy partner, and afterwards focus on the work of loving them.

Because emotionally-healthy partners will put in effort and love right back. So pick someone who is self-loving, deserving of your love and , will return it and meet your needs.

Love is a deliberate choice

There’s also the idea of letting go off someone you love especially if the relationship is on the ropes.Hardest pill to swallow, I know. But I guess it is simply said/done to prove that if the love is meant to be, it will come back to you. It’s a way to free yourself from that pull or that hold you have on that person. It’s also a way to show that true love never dies and if that person wants to leave for whatever reason, you should not stand in the way of that desire. When you do that, you are letting go, despite the pain, knowing that the person may not come back to you and that’s the scariest part. However, it’s best to know this early on rather than hanging on year after year and knowing that this person really doesn’t want to be with you. Letting go shows tremendous strength and love, because it takes an unselfish love of that person to truly be willing to lose the person, since you love him or her so much.

Bottom Line: Be intentional & deliberate in all endeavours as far as true love and matters of the heart are concerned.

Loyalty Goes Both Ways

“Silently she was sobbing at her desk, early at about 7:45 AM. I asked her if everything was OK? She told me that her child was sick and that she had been up all night. Bags under her eyes. I asked her “So, what are you doing here at the office?” She said that she had run out of “sick days” and could not afford to miss another day. I sent her home and promised that she would get paid. In addition, I wrote her a check on the spot for extra money to alleviate her immediate financial worry. She was incredibly grateful. To this day, she is my best employee not just because of her talent but her loyalty. Employers, please understand that most people are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Burning the candle at both ends. Trying to make ends meet. Kids, homework, spouses, significant others, elder parents, mortgage payments, auto repairs, etc. The relentlessness of life. People are worried about their jobs. PLEASE reassure your hard working employees that their jobs are secure, whenever possible. Loyalty goes both ways.”

Natalie Arias

There’s a lot to learn from Natalie Arias. Good gesture to her employees. I wish the same happened in our current working sector. Be it private or public. It would be good if an employee would feel content at their place of work and giving the best they can for they know that whatever burden they may be carrying with them, somehow there is some sort of relief if they had understanding employers and knowing their jobs are secure anytime they have to take time off their jobs to attend to pressing matters. Great lesson to learn as employees and employers.

For One, For All

Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn’t easy, but it can be unbearable if you want it to be. Just something to think about.

Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know that the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the three hardest things to say are, “I Love You, I am Sorry and Help Me?”

Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile to see how much pain they may be in. To all my friends going through some issues right now, there is relief in sharing out our problems with our closely related persons and friends. We can always be sanguine about a better tomorrow, a better life in future because nothing we go through in this life is permanent. It is all seasonal, just like tides.

It would be awesome to start some sort of avalanche where we all can be there for our loved ones when they feel like they have hit rock bottom. Come to think of it, we all need positive intentions right now in life. We need to support each other. Support those with family problems, health struggles, job issues and worries of any kind because all one may need is just to know that someone cares. Let’s do it for all of us because no one is immune to any bad happenings in life.

Let’s be pragmatic in our dealings, reach out to our people and help where you possibly can and let no one be vainglorious in whatever act of help since it is all done with an intention to help and not destroy. No one needs to feel pain from the crown of their heads to the sole of their feet. We all want to feel loved and cared for and be enthusiastic about living life regardless of what it brings forth.This should just display and express moral support. Do it for a friend, to a friend and with a friend. It will surely go a long way to touching hearts. All good deeds shall surely be rewarded!