Falling in love is involuntary and staying in love is a choice fam. This is as simple as it sounds. I came across an interesting piece of writing that just speaks for me and my passion for love and for many more I believe. Check this out.
Pointless Over thinking
Over thinking something you cannot change will not change anything except the amount of anxiety you feel, and how much mental energy you use, on something you cannot improve. Pause your mind, to pause the panic.
Over thinking tends to lead to a decline on one’s mental health. When such happens, learn to do small things that bring you peace. For instance, take a shower, text a loved one, listen to music, go for a walk. Do something; anything, to drift your mind from unnecessary woes.
Being an over thinker myself I must say has had huge effects on me. Negative ones for that matter. My brain will be working on overdrive trying to find meaning and reason for every happening thing. An issue may be rendered petty or not really important but my monkey mind will have to make sense of everything and with so much energy I dig deep and end up making a mess of my mental state leaving me all wrecked.
Case in point, everything to me has to always have a basis of happening. And if I can’t quite contemplate whatever is going on, I take it upon myself to scrutinize facts and theories. Something that never leads to good results. Trust me. It’s actually draining.
So I actually came to realize my over thinking and over analyzing and worrying usually originates from fear of something and/or some obscure insecurities. This leaves me mentally drained *af*, (pardon my French) ☺. It robs me of my peace of mind. And peace of mind is priceless if one has got this.
So I have actually been reading up a few articles on how to actually deal with this issue and strategies I can deploy to do away with over thinking and regain my happiness. I happen to have read an article by Peggy Nolan who is a best selling author, podcaster and traveler. Here’s a few tips I got.
- Stop! – some things that I see happen make me want to cause drama and one would actually think the drama is worthy of an Oscar but truth is, it’s never worth it. Train your mind to say STOP! and ENOUGH! Switch to something peaceful.
- Visualization – Your mind may wander into the past and you happen to almost relive the past in the future. In the event such scenarios happen, replace what your monkey mind wants to watch with something you want to watch. Visualize a happy memory or simply allow your mind sink into its happy place. My happy place I’d say is sitting out especially in the dusk or fall of night, staring into the sky, listening to some soothing music as I hear the sound of the cool breeze greet every other thing in space.
- Just Breathe– Breathe in and out. Take deep breathes and just breathe.
- Go for A Walk– Have you some music to keep you company as you stroll around. Swing your hands, dance, move with the rhythm. Just get distracted. Enjoy nature.
- Engage in your favorite hobby– Over thinking produces no results and offers no solution. So switch gears and do something you enjoy and love. Read,paint,sing,knit,surf,swim,hike etc
- Be Present- Peggy mentions over thinking as being all about dredging up the past/or borrowing trouble from the future. I agree.
To sum it all up, the best cure is to simply be present. Be here right now! It’s all that matters. Guard your mental health, live healthy. To happiness, Cheers mates!
Share what works for you, I’d love to hear.
Little Bits of Her
“She loves him, yes,
Anyone and everyone can see that.
Something in the way she loves him,
Openly. Honestly. Deeply. Truely.
Unashamedly. Completely.
Oh yes she does!
But it’s really beyond that.
She learned to love with no absolute expectations
She makes no threats; no demands
A dire need and passion that she wishes she never has control of
Deep satisfaction and a sense of peace
Is all she yearns for.
When bound to him, all she feels is Freedom
And there’s no better feeling than this.”
Dating As A Millennial
We often hear or get told that back in the days, romantic relationships were so much simpler unlike these days. One would like another and all they had to do was tell them-and if they felt the same, you’d get together. Easy! Right? These days though, things are endlessly more complicated and frustrating and dating as a millennial is so screwed up. Andrea Wesley ,tells us why:
Dating shouldn’t be taking a toll on us. It should be as easy as it comes. No pressure, no force. Falling in love is an involuntary feeling and staying in love is a choice. ♥ 😘
Start Strong, Stay Strong.
We are just a few days into 2020 and everyone seems to have started it with a bang. Or rather, on a good note. My heartfelt remorse to those who must have gotten into this year with losses and misfortunes. May God give you the strength to carry on through the rest of the year.
We all have expectations and dreams to look forward to. But that’s not just it. Having a clear vision I believe is just the beginning of one nearing their dreams and having them come true. We wake up each day hoping for it to be different. Hoping to have noticeable change. There’s that thirst which the soul needs quenching for. A desire to meet your goals and achieve your targets.
This year I personally want to dedicate it to the Almighty. For so long I have fallen short of His glory and forget that He alone knows what is destined for me. I am no religious maniac but I believe there’s a God above who’s mightier than any being and His promises are Yes and Amen.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
We are always told that you only have one time to start. But I have to say, you only have one time to start in one way. But you can start differently more than once.
Yes.
That is what you need to understand.
You can start stronger.
People go through hell. 2019 has been a bed of thorns and hot Amber’s for so many people.
But 2020 is a new start for you.
You can start a fresh.
You can start stronger
You can start new.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
(Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV)
Never forget you are stronger than you could even think.
May 2020 be of clear visions, new insight and revelation! Focus on your focus.
A Pain A Few Will Understand
This writing has been inspired by an experience of pain that I hope will someday, come to an end.
Ever been in pain when relieving yourself? Ever had your bladder and abdomen in pain? Every visit to the washroom hurts: during and after. Sometimes it hurts to stretch out or even sit down. Sometimes I cry myself while in the washroom. The pain, sometimes so unbearable I almost wanna fall to the ground and lay down.
I don’t deserve this. But I’m an effing strong girl. So I tend to encourage myself. This pain, period pain better known as Menstrual Cramps, is the craziest nightmare I’ve had to deal with every.single.month.
Having this condition, Endometriosis, it has been quite an experience that I wouldn’t wish for anyone. For those suffering from the same, damn woman! I feel you. The pain is real, whether severe or mild. Every month is always a battle on its own but the pain, gosh! It’s sickening.
At this point of the month, I tend to hate doing almost everything. I feel literally sick to the bone. Coughing, having to pee, sneezing, sitting down, lying down, standing up and probably breathing as well. All these just tend to make it worse on the pain and flow. Lucky are they that know no such pain and go for three days. I call you God’s chosen. Woe unto us who roll for five ➕ days. Damn! I am super strong now that I just realized blood lost is enough to save 3 to 4 lives monthly. 😀
Anyhow, being on medication and several check ups, I believe it’s all gonna be good in due time. What scared me though at some point upon my visits to hospital was that, whilst on the stretcher in the gynaecologist’s room, I eavesdropped on a conversation about my condition, then it was not looking so good, from the scan done that is, and so all I could hear being discussed was huge terms like partial hysterectomy and laproscopy. Something to do with surgery and I hardly understood anything else being discussed.
My heart skipped a beat then. The thought of surgery scared the wits out of me. Especially given the fact that it’s my reproductive system being discussed about. The gynaecologist later came in and said to me that they’ll put me on drugs to try and manage the condition while I’m on observation for three months. Since then it’s been visit after visit to hospital. Something that ain’t fun at all because it kind of messes you up.Work, lifestyle and affects my mentality as well, big time.
Long story short, for any ladies experiencing abnormal menstrual cramps, kindly seek medical assistance before it’s too late. Any reproductive health matters are vital, especially if it has to affect your chances of giving birth. This is my story, let it not be yours! Cheers to healthy living and wellness.
Always
Letting Go
“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”
Jack Kornfield
Having given so much thought on what exactly I should do with my life, (still in the works), I finally came to this point where it was paramount for a decision to be made. It has not been easy. Beating myself up on the “whys and what-ifs”, that endlessly tormented me every single day to the point of brain saturation. Toxicity, unhappiness, health struggles et al have been the order of my life for a while now and choosing to make a change and difference on that kind of lifestyle, has been and it still is, quite a hustle. But then again, I just got sick and tired of that kind of living and action needed to be taken.
So I decided to take a step and do that which scared me. Calling it quits in the current working sector and letting go of all that pertained my work. There comes a time where one has to do what they have to do, despite the losses bound to be incurred after. But as it is said, it’s life! I have had to seek counsel from a few people in my circle and having associated with a psychologist for a while, I thought, “Why not go psychological and look up tips and facts to deal with Letting Go of that which has been holding me back?” Learning how to let go of e.g , Bad relationships, the past, grudges, toxic lifestyle, etc. is good because it helps develop a strong sense of self. So here are a few tips I grasped from an article by Ilene S. Cohen, a psychotherapist.
1. Understand that the relationships you thought you’d have are going to be different than the ones you actually have.
We must accept the person we are in this moment and the way other people are, too. As time goes on, we continue to learn that things don’t always go as planned — actually, they pretty much never do. And that’s okay: If you become aware of yourself and your part of your relationships, they will improve; however, you may also have to accept facts about certain people in your life. Practice gratitude, appreciation, and trust in the process.
2. Don’t be invested in the outcome when it comes to dealing with people, because it often leads to disappointment.
Expectations have a way of keeping us stuck because they lead us to fear certain outcomes. There are no guarantees in life, and there’s nothing we can really do to get the outcomes we desire when dealing with others. When our expectations or needs aren’t met, we need to respond rationally and appropriately. Sometimes this means setting respectful boundaries; other times, it means letting go.
3. Don’t live in chains when you have the key. We live with self-limiting beliefs that we let define who we are.
We think, “I could never do that!” or “I could never make that happen!” If you truly believe that, you’ll never accomplish your goals. Open up your mind, and believe in yourself. There will be many people who tell you that you can’t do it. It’s up to you to prove them wrong.
4. Let go of the idea that you can control others’ actions. We really only have control over ourselves and how we act.
You can’t change another person, so don’t waste your time and energy trying. I think this is the biggest factor that pushes people to hold onto unhelpful behaviors, like the need to please. We think, “If only I do everything for everyone, they’ll never get mad at me.” Wrong!
5. Only worry about what you think of yourself.
Free yourself from being controlled by what other people think. Start to prioritize how you feel about yourself. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” You can’t live by your values if you’re living for the approval of others.
6. Leave room for mistakes.
Did you make a mistake or say something stupid? It’s okay! Use the experience to learn and make a joke. It doesn’t make you stupid to say something wrong or silly: it makes you human, and sometimes even funny.
7. Accept the things you cannot change.
Stop wishing things could be the way they once were. Bring yourself into the present moment. This is where life happens. You can’t change the past; you can only make decisions today to help how your future turns out.
8. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
This will allow you to relax and enjoy life’s journey. I laugh with myself and at myself all the time.
9. Do what scares you.
Fear holds us back from doing a lot of things because it closes our minds to possibilities for our future and locks us into our comfort zone. Most fears fill us with doubt and “what ifs” that imprison us. The more you do to get out of your comfort zone, the more fear will subside. In life, do what scares you, and you’ll grow and succeed!
10. Express what works for you.
Find your voice, and share with others what you’re thinking and feeling in a rational way. If you continue to communicate with others what works for you and doesn’t work for you, you’ll no longer bottle up your emotions. Expressing yourself is an important part of feeling good about yourself and your relationships.
11. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions.
Whether you lost a loved one through death or a break-up, honor your loss. Trying to ignore your negative emotions will extend your suffering. Loss is difficult to experience, and it’s okay to allow yourself to hurt and be sad. Let yourself feel, and go through the grief process so that you can move forward.
12. Learn forgiveness.
Resentment and unwillingness to forgive will keep you locked in the past and prevent you from moving forward with your life. Remember: When you forgive, you aren’t doing it for the other person; you’re doing it for yourself. If for no other reason than that, forgive and let go.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” There’s a lesson in that for all of us: Try to let go of whatever it is that’s holding you back from experiencing yourself. You’ll probably realize that you are not what other people say you are. You are not your pain, your past, or your emotions. It’s the negative ideas about ourselves and our hurtful self-talk that get in the way of who we really want to be. Being able to let go requires a strong sense of self, which gives you the ability to learn and grow from your experiences.
Carl Jung
I found the article very helpful and a way to help me steer my life in the right direction. I hope you do too! 🙂 Let Go!
When Pain Becomes Pleasure
A lot is happening or rather has happened. Lots of pain and turmoil. At some point it almost feels like so much to bear but then, troubles don’t last forever and success doesn’t come overnight and it’s not easy to come by.
Feeling weight upon my shoulders, feet feeble and frail like a dry twig on a tree awaiting to drop on the ground. Wishing the world would just open up and swallow me because my life seems to be falling apart and efforts to fix anything already seem to prove futile. So much thoughts that all seem like a mirage: so vague and unclear.
I think to myself that I may probably be on the verge of despair. And how my closest circle of friends tend to think I need some sort of guidance and counseling because I’m actually losing it. “It’s not all that bad”, so I tell myself.
Then a talk with someone actually makes me realize that every bad happening in life can actually bring forth so much good. Being positive about every bad encounter, experience and phase in life helps forge ahead,cliché as it sounds, it works wonders and makes life worth living because at the end of it all, something good ends up unfolding and it’s definitely gonna be a new chapter in life, a new beginning as well.
So then, dear self, learn to live through the pain and for the good that comes after is gonna be worth the endurance, the wait and the pleasure that comes from it is just gonna be a testimony and a tale to tell.
The Cry of My Heart
Sudden race in my heart, fast beats
I can't help but wonder if it is at all normal
The thought of you sends chills down my spine
And I guess I know why; You are mine.
There's been so much tragedy;
But funny thing is, you're the remedy
You said, "Ask and you will receive"
What I ask for is very simple and do-able
The stress reliever that you are and have always been,
That there be no boundaries between our love
Two hearts; One love that we sire together
Let these veins that run through my body like tributaries,
cease to show
Instead, may the beautiful glow of love sparkle and shine,
now and forever.
I wish we could be forever one, making the shattered me whole
And if life was a movie, you'd be my best part.
My solemn cry!
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